


I Remember All of Them

by Tuiccim



Category: Captain America, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Winter Solider - Fandom
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Bucky - Freeform, Bucky Angst, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America - Freeform, F/M, Marvel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:07:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26681113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuiccim/pseuds/Tuiccim
Summary: After Hawkeye’s retirement, you are assigned to the Avengers as the new sharpshooter. You form a special friendship with Bucky but when friends turn to lovers Bucky suddenly turns cold. Were you just another conquest of Bucky Barnes’ or was something deeper at play?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

You walk into Bucky’s room without knocking.   
“We need to talk.” You say firmly.   
“I have plans with Steve.” Bucky refuses to look at you.   
“No, you don’t. I just talked to Steve.” You cross your arms and stand in front of the door to block his exit. “What is going on? Why won’t you talk to me?”  
Bucky remains stoically silent.   
“Bucky!” You exclaim to no avail. He simply crosses his arms and turns his back. “Bucky, please.”  
“I can’t.” Bucky says.   
“You can’t what? You can’t WHAT?”   
Bucky’s head drops down.  
“You can’t tell me. Or are you just too much of a coward? I guess… I guess I gave you what you wanted and now you’re done with me… Wow. Wow! I always thought I was smarter than that. I’d never let some guy play me, but that’s what you did, isn't it? You fucked me and now you’re done.” You pause to give Bucky a chance to respond. He runs a hand through his hair but doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even look at you. “I guess I should take it as a compliment. I mean I got Bucky Barnes to say I love you. Bucky Barnes actually waited almost two months to fuck me and threw in an I love you just to seal the deal. Shit, I must be a hot piece of ass. Hope I was worth the time and effort.” With still no response from Bucky, you turn to leave. Holding back your tears you look back one last time. “Don’t worry, Barnes, I won’t darken your doorway again.”  
After the door closes, Bucky looks at it with tears in his eyes and whispers “I do love you, Doll.” But he couldn’t tell you. If you knew the truth of what he’d done, you’d hate him more than you did now.  
\--  
Two months earlier  
Director Fury stares across his desk at you, "I'm moving you to New York."  
"What? Why?" You ask, shocked.  
"You've heard Agent Barton is retiring?"  
"Yes, sir." You reply.  
"You'll be taking his place on the Avengers team." Fury states. "You'll need to be moved into the Avengers Compound by the end of next week."  
You stare at Fury until he continued, "Here's the packet. Everything is in there for you to make preparations. Congrats."  
With that, you’re dismissed. You know why Fury chose you to replace Barton. After all, you’re the second best shot in SHIELD. Paralleled only by Agent Barton and Leah, fellow agent and your sister.. Now, you had 10 days to clean up your life in DC and move to New York to work with a team you didn't know. You had only worked with Natasha and Clint before. You had never even met Wanda Maximoff, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, or the android, Vision. This was going to be interesting.  
\---  
The following Friday you arrive at the compound and are greeted by Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff.   
"Captain Rogers, it's good to see you again." You hold your hand out and he takes it.  
"Steve's fine. Welcome to the Avengers." He says with a smile.  
"Thank you. Hey Natasha. It's been awhile."  
"Hey. Glad you agreed to join us." Natasha says.  
"Agreed?" You laugh.   
"Fury just reassigned you, didn't he?" Natasha raises an eyebrow.   
"Yeah." You nod.  
"I'm sorry. I requested you." Natasha says.  
"I would have accepted had it been offered. No harm, no foul. Besides, helped me get rid of 185 pounds of dead weight."  
Steve looks at you in confusion and Natasha smirks as she says, "Boyfriend wasn't big on the move?"  
"It'd been over for a while. The move just goaded us into admitting it." You shrug.   
"Do you need help with your stuff?" Steve asks.   
"That'd be great. I just have two suitcases and a few boxes." You open the trunk.  
"Nice car. What is it?" Steve asks.  
"Thanks. '67 Chevy Impala. I restored it myself." You smile proudly.   
"You know about cars?" Steve asks.  
"Yeah. Motorcycles, too. I'm a decent mechanic. I mean, I do have a Master's in mechanical engineering." You glance over at the two motorcycles parked across the garage.   
Nat laughs, "Don't even think about it. Steve and Bucky are feral when it comes to their bikes."  
"We are not." Steve looks offended as you and Nat laugh. "Anyway, let's get you settled. We have a mission briefing in two hours. Can you be ready?"   
"Absolutely, Captain. No rest for the wicked." You grin.  
"Good. We'll introduce you to the rest of the team then." Steve heads to the elevator carrying the two heaviest boxes as if they're nothing.  
"I look forward to it." You say.  
Steve leads you down a hallway with several doors. "You'll be in Clint's old room. Sorry, you're kinda in the guy's wing. Me, Bucky, Vision, and Sam are in the other rooms."  
"Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you. I was one of only three women ever on Strike teams. I'm used to being with the guys. Whoa!" You exclaim as one of the doors swings open and you collide with a large, dark-haired man. You knew him from reading his file, but damn that picture did not prepare you to come face to face with the piercing blue eyes of Bucky Barnes. His picture did him no justice. He was beautiful.  
"Sorry!" He retrieves the box you had dropped.   
You pull yourself together and give him a bright smile, "No worries. Thanks."   
Bucky stares at you a moment before grinning, "You're welcome. You must be the new Hawkeye."  
"That's me but my call name is Lockshot.”  
“Lockshot?”  
“Yeah. ‘Locked on, take the shot’ became Locked Shot, became Lockshot.” You shrug. “I'd shake your hand, but uh…"  
"Lemme get the door for you. She's in Clint's room?" Bucky asks.  
"Yeah." Steve smirks. Bucky opens the door at the end of the hallway and allows you to enter first. The room is well appointed with a king bed, private bathroom, walk in closet, desk, bookshelves, tv and small couch.  
"Wow. This is great." You say as you set your things on the bed. "Oh, I forgot my cases in the backseat."  
"I'll get them." Bucky says.  
"Thanks." You smile at him.   
"Nat, can you give her a tour once she's settled in?" Steve asks.  
"Sure." Nat says.  
"Briefing at 1." Steve reminds as he leaves.  
"You got it, Cap." You say to his retreating back before turning to Nat. "Guess I should pull out my tactical gear first thing.”   
“Probably so.” Nat says. She tells you some information about the compound and FRIDAY while helping you unpack.   
Bucky returns with the three cases from your car and you grin. “Thank you, Sergeant Barnes.”  
“Bucky.” He chuckles.   
“Thank you, Bucky.” You say sweetly as you open the cases to check that your collection of firearms had fared well for the journey.   
“Whoa.” Bucky says as he looks over the array of guns.   
“Hey Bucky. You mind giving the tour? I have some things I need to take care of before the briefing.” Natasha asks slyly.   
“Uh, yeah, sure. Be happy to. Is that a Sig Sauer?” Bucky asks.   
“Yeah, it’s new. Lighter than its predecessors. Here, check it out.” You hand him the gun and check the scope of your sniper rifle.   
“Check this one out. It’s an original Colt Single Action Revolver. It’s been passed down through my family. I mean if you like historical guns.” You say opening the smallest of the three cases.   
“That’s really cool.” Bucky says as he swaps out the guns. “I’ve never shot one of these.”  
“Oh, any day we can take it to the range. It shoots like it’s still brand new.” You smile at him.   
“.357 Magnum. You like revolvers, huh?” Bucky asks.   
"I like guns." You smile.  
The gun show goes on for quite some time. It wasn’t until your stomach sent up a rumble that Bucky realized he had monopolized you with talking guns instead of showing you around the compound. It was 12:15.  
“Oh, man. I’m sorry. Let me show you to the common room and the kitchen. We can get some lunch and then I’ll show you to the briefing room. The rest of the tour will probably have to wait until after the mission.” Bucky says.  
“No worries. Not often I find someone as enthusiastic about guns. Was the Harley downstairs yours?” You ask.   
“You like motorcycles, too?” Bucky says.   
“Yes and classic cars.” You find talking to Bucky is easy.  
“Yeah, I like the Impala.” He says.  
“Thanks. Restored it myself. I’m quite proud of that thing.” You say.  
You and Bucky talk through lunch and then he shows you to a conference room. Steve, Tony, and Natasha are already there.   
"Our new sharpshooter." Tony smirks.  
"Good to see you again, Tony." You smile at him.  
"You, too. Glad to have you on the team. Natasha and Clint speak highly of your skills." Tony smiles.  
"Thank you." You say.   
You are introduced to the rest of the team as they come in and then everyone takes a seat. The briefing lasts an hour before you are all dismissed to make preparations for departure in two hours. You’re paired with Natasha for the mission. Reconnaissance of a possible Hydra compound. Your objective is to determine if it is active Hydra and what the compound is being used for. You can’t wait. Your first mission as an Avenger.


	2. Chapter 2

You board the quinjet with your duffle and gun case. Bucky is already there stowing his gear.   
"Hey." You say.  
"Hey." Bucky does a double take.   
"What was that look about?" You tilt your head.  
"Are you sure we've never met before? You look familiar to me for some reason." Bucky says.  
"Pretty sure I'd remember meeting you, Bucky." You laugh. "I have a familiar face. I get that a lot, actually."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah." You stow your gear.   
"Pretty sure you'd remember meeting me?" Bucky grins.  
"Yeah, I don't meet a lot of 100 year old men that look like you. It's pretty memorable." You smirk.  
"Oh, that's how it's going to be?" Bucky chuckles.  
"She got you, man." Sam grins as he enters.   
"She can dish it out, I just hope she can take it." Bucky responds with a raised eyebrow.  
"Bring it, old man." You smile.  
"I will, little girl." Bucky comes toe to toe with you.   
"Oh, no, honey," you lean in to whisper in his ear, "I'm all woman." You laugh as you walk away. You were used to verbally sparring with the guys and could tell Sam and Bucky would be no exception.   
Once the quinjet is in the air, it doesn't take long to reach your destination. At least, it doesn’t seem to take long to you. You arrive at the outskirts of a small town on the Italian/Slovenian border. The suspected Hydra compound is situated several miles from the town in a heavily wooded area with only one road in and out. You, Nat, and Sam have the first shift of surveillance. The compound is quiet. A few guards walk around but the conversations overheard bring nothing of importance. As evening nears, the three of you are relieved by Wanda, Tony, and Vision.   
When you return to the quinjet, you, Natasha, and Sam had formed a plan. The guards had spoken of a bar in town. Natasha and you believed you could use some of your feminine wiles to entice the guards into talking. Steve agreed. Sam would stay with the quinjet for support while Steve and Bucky provided backup should you and Natasha need it.   
You and Natasha both go through your duffles and pull out heels and little black dresses. No female spy would leave home without them. Together you laugh as you ready yourselves for an evening out. Your hair pulled up, makeup done, and a tight fitting dress that should get some attention in this town. Especially, if these guards are as lonely as they made out.   
Surveilling the bar entrance, you watch as several of the guards you had seen that day enter. You and Nat had worked out a backstory that would cover you being in the area. The bar was fairly busy but you manage to order each of you a bottle of beer and pour out half as inconspicuously as possible. You make your way to a small table and within minutes a couple of the guards had sidled up to you.   
“Ciao Bella.” The guard smiles at you.   
“Ciao yourself.” You smile back.  
“Americans?” He says with a thick accent.  
“That’s right.” Natasha says.  
“What brought you to our little town?” The guard next to Nat asks.   
“We were headed to Ljubljana but had a little car trouble. So, we’re here until we can get it fixed.” Nat pouts convincingly.   
“What’s in Ljubljana?” Guard One asks.  
“Friends and, hopefully, a good time.” You smirk.  
“I’m Matteo. Maybe I can show you a good time while you're here.”  
You and Nat play the rounds with the two and eventually get them to introduce you to the others. A lot of drinks later, they’re bragging about their jobs. You and Nat had nursed your beer bottles and the shots the group had pushed on you had been chased with a swig of beer allowing you to spit the shots out. The group of guys were fairly drunk and tongues wagged as you two played around. Having singled out the highest ranking among them you enticed him to follow you to the hall leading to the bathrooms.   
“Sei così bella. Lascia che ti faccia sentire bene.” He whispers as he pushes you against the wall.   
You giggle, “If I understood what any of that meant I might agree to it.”  
“I’m sorry, Bella. I said you are beautiful.” He attempts to capture your mouth, but you manage to evade him.   
“What else did you say?” You ask.   
“Let me make you feel good.” He says and attacks the side of your neck with his lips.   
“Oh, Capitano. Is what you do dangerous?”  
“Oh, si, bella. Very dangerous.”   
“Tell me how it’s dangerous.” You whisper excitedly.   
The capitano hands begin to wander as he whispers against your neck. “We are making weapons that will bring the world to its knees.”  
“Oh, guns and bombs are boring.” You pout.   
“No, bella, we are making weapons that will turn men into machines. Not silly guns. Medicinale.” He squeezes your breast through your dress.  
“Like Captain America?” You breathe.   
“Si. I am, uh, a good size now, but when I get the medicinale I will be so much more.” He says pressing his erection against you and reaching for the hem of your skirt.   
“Slow down, cowboy.” You laugh pushing his hand away.   
“Bella.” He says as he tries again.   
“I think I should get back to my friend.” You push him a little away from you and try to slide away.   
“Do not act like Madonna. Vieni qui.” He says pulling you back to him and pinning you to the wall. “You said you like dangerous.” He says before crashing his lips into yours. You relax against him to let him feel he’s got the upper hand, but he suddenly falls to the floor. You look up to see Bucky standing behind him.   
“You okay?” Bucky asks.   
“I was fine. Get out of here before someone sees you.” You look around and Bucky slips out the same way he came in. You run back to the table and breathlessly announce that capitano passed out and needs help. While the guards are distracted with their comrade you and Nat slip out to the car Steve and Bucky are waiting in.   
As soon as you’re seated Bucky turns around and asks again, “Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine. I had it under control.” You say lightly.   
“He was getting a little pushy.” Bucky grouses.   
“I’ve been getting myself into and out of that same situation since I was 14, Bucky. It's not the first time a guy has pressed an unwanted erection against me. Seriously, I can handle myself.” You say.  
“Good work on capitano.” Nat says.   
“Excellent work getting him to talk.” Steve says. “Now we know what they’re doing there. We can report back and figure out our next move.”  
“Glad to be of service.” You say. Bucky is still looking at you so you send him a wink. A few minutes pass in silence as Steve drives.   
"I guess the pursuit to create supersoldiers will never end." Steve sighs.  
"Not as long as we exist." You say.  
"You're enhanced?" Bucky looks back at you.  
"Somebody didn't do his homework." Natasha singsongs making Bucky roll his eyes. He hates paperwork and always puts off reading the files and doing mission reports.  
"No, I'm gifted." You say.  
"What are your abilities?" Bucky asks.  
"Hyperkinesis."   
"Which is?" Bucky drawls.  
"Increased agility, reflexes, and perfect accuracy." You say.  
Bucky eyes you for a second and then flicks a coin at you. You catch it with ease.   
"Really?" You say.  
"That'll be the easiest one." Bucky smirks.  
"You're gonna try to deck me, aren't you?" You narrow your eyes at him. "Two can play at that game."  
"Bring it, little girl." Bucky chuckles.  
"It's on like Donkey Kong, old man." You grin.  
"Steve, stop them. Somebody's gonna get hurt." Natasha says.  
"Just don't do it during missions." Steve mutters.  
"By 'during missions' you mean like not in the middle of the action or not at all." You ask while Bucky chuckles.  
"You didn't tell me she was this much like Clint, Natasha." Steve grouses.  
"I'm not sure if I should be flattered or offended." You chuckle.   
Nat smiles at you but speaks to Steve, "I think she's exactly what we need."  
You wink at Nat.  
Back at the quinjet, Steve and Tony discuss your findings and make a plan for incursion of the compound.


	3. Chapter 3

Decked out in tactical gear, you, Steve, Bucky, and Natasha head for the south wall of the compound. Steve kneels by the wall holding his shield over his head, Nat jumps on it and is propelled to the top of the thick wall. You follow her lead. Steve and Bucky look up at you in surprise and you raise an eyebrow at them from your perch. They follow you and together you drop down to the ground inside the compound.  
"Didn't expect you to follow Nat like that." Steve says.  
"I noticed. We've still got a lot to learn about each other. I assume training is a daily event.” You say.   
“Weekends are optional.” Steve smiles at you before moving to lead the team into the compound.   
Tony’s voice comes over comms, “We’re in.”   
Steve breaks the padlock with his shield and opens an unused entrance. “We’re in.”   
As a team you move through the compound securing the areas as you go. Your team locates the control room and seeing Capitano in the room yelling commands through a radio, you grin wickedly. Motioning to Steve, he allows you to take point. You open the door to the control room and lean on the door jamb casually.   
“Hey, Capitano.” You say with a grin.   
“Cagna!” He yells. “Sei morto.” (You’re dead.)  
“Vaffanculo, tesoro. Sei tu quello che muore oggi.” (Go fuck yourself, darling. You’re the one dying today.) You reply as you raise your gun and take your shot.   
The team moves into the room. You move to the computer and begin studying the feeds. “Cap, medical lab.” You say pointing to one screen. “They’re destroying everything. We’ve got to get in there.”  
“Stay here and monitor everything.” Cap says. Your first reaction is to protest being kept out of the action, but you recover quickly and nod at Steve. You understand he hasn’t worked with you on missions and this was probably for the best.   
“Tony, guys, you’ve got a group of five heading to you. 60 seconds.” You call over comms. “Good luck.” You say as Steve, Nat, and Bucky move out. Steve gives you a nod. Bucky and Nat both give you a smirk knowing you had just earned some points with Steve.   
“Wanda, on your six.” You continue to monitor the teams and call out warnings. “Cap, group of four down the next hall. You’re almost to the lab.” You raise your gun, shoot the two guards that attempt to retake the control room, and bar the door. As you watch the rest of the team move expertly together, you envy their synergy and look forward to being a part of it. Ten more minutes pass and the compound is subdued. Tony, Nat, and Jarvis are reviewing all the computers and files. Bucky, Sam, and Steve begin setting charges throughout the compound while Wanda and you keep watch.   
A knock sounds on the door to the control room, “Open up.” Bucky calls.   
“How do I know you’re really Bucky? Tell me something only he’d know.” You giggle internally picturing his face.  
“You’re a pain in the ass, little girl. Now, open up.” Bucky laughs.   
You take the bar off the door with a grin. “Setting charges?”   
“Yeah. Here, can you put these by the console?” He says handing you two.   
“You got it, old man.” Your smile falls when you realize Bucky is looking at the bodies on the floor. “You okay?”  
“Are you? I didn’t realize there were any more Hydra agents. We shouldn’t have left you alone.” Bucky is shaking his head.   
“I obviously could handle it, Sergeant Barnes.” You cop an attitude at his insinuation that you were less than the rest of the team.   
“I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.” Bucky says.  
“Why are you being so protective of me?” You put a hand on his flesh arm and force him to look at you. “You have been since we’ve been here.”  
Bucky looks in your eyes, “I don’t know. Something about you feels familiar. It's like my instincts are pushing me to protect you.”  
“I appreciate that Bucky, but I can handle myself. Don’t worry. I’ll kick your ass in training so you can get it in your head.” You sass with a smirk.   
“I look forward to it.” Bucky says.   
You return to the computer to check the progress of the upload to the thumb drive and go through the feeds again. Bucky comes over to you and you point at a screen. “Have you been to the utility room? Looks like there’s a gas line.”  
Bucky studies the line you are pointing at, “Make for a secondary explosion. Good call. Will you be okay if I… “ He stops when he sees your raised eyebrow. “You’re good. I’ll be back.”   
You chuckle thinking he’s a sweetie.   
Steve comes over the comms, “Buck, how’s it coming?”  
"Covered the control room. She found a utility room. Looks like gas lines are run. Going to check and set charges. Should give us a secondary explosion." Buck says.  
"Good work. Both of you." Steve says.  
“Cap, I’ve got everything off the computer here.” You say over comms.   
“Wait for Bucky and then rendezvous in the lab.” Cap says.  
“Copy.” You say. Going over the room again to occupy time, you find nothing and decide to go through the pockets of the three dead agents. You find a vial in Capitano’s pocket.  
“Cap, Tony, did you find any vials of blue liquid in the lab?” You ask over comms.  
“They're all smashed. What have you got?” Tony says.   
“Found one intact in an agent’s pocket.” You say.  
“Excellent. Team, check all of them.” Tony says.  
Bucky rejoins you and you make your way to the lab. Along the way you check several more agents and find a couple more vials. In the lab, the team has gathered nearly a dozen of the vials.   
“Capitano wasn’t kidding. They were passing out this medication. Sam, let’s draw blood from the agents the vials were found on.” You say.   
Sam looks to Tony and Cap and you follow his gaze. Realizing your mistake, you correct yourself, “I’m sorry. I mean, of course, Tony, should we collect blood samples?”  
Tony gives a nod and the two of you set to work. Once away from the team, you glance at Sam, “How bad did I just mess up?”  
“You didn’t. You’re new and you’re used to being second in command with Strike. They understand.” Sam smiles at you.   
“Thanks, Sam.” You say. Rounding the corner, you come face to face with a Hydra agent. A still alive Hydra agent. You are thrown backwards into a wall. Grabbing a knife from your vest, you advance and block the first punch thrown. Sam runs towards you as you continue fighting and engages the agent. The agent is subdued and alive within a couple of minutes. Frisking the agent, you find another vial.   
“What is this?” You ask, holding the vial up. “Cos'è questo?” The agent stares at you with no discernable expression. Grabbing the agent’s arm, you drag him to the lab. “Hey Tony. How do you feel about live test subjects?”  
You look up to see Tony smirk. “Ooo, goodie.”  
“I thought you cleared all the rooms.” Steve said.   
“I thought WE did, too. I never saw him on any of the surveillance feeds.” You counter.   
Steve nods and watches you roll your shoulder. “You okay?”  
“Yeah, got thrown into a wall. I’m good.” You smile.   
“Alright. You, Bucky, Sam, get the quinjet ready.” Steve says.   
The three of you clear the compound and get the quinjet set for departure.   
“Pretty good, little girl.” Bucky says.   
“You weren’t so bad, either, old man.” You sass back.   
Once the team was reunited, the base destroyed, and the quinjet was in the air, Steve calls you over.   
You feel your stomach drop, “Captain.”  
“I wanted to make sure you know that for a first mission, having never worked with this team, you did a great job. Your insights were spot on and you followed orders well. Nat was right. You’re exactly what this team needs.” Steve says with a smile. He holds his hand out and you shake it.   
“Thank you, Cap. I’m really glad to be here.” You say.   
“We’re glad to have you.” Natasha says.  
“Here, here!” says Tony.   
You are grinning from ear to ear when a bottle is lobbed at your head and you catch it with ease. “Really?”  
“Welcome to the team.” Bucky grins.   
“Thanks.” You smile back. When he turns away, you throw the bottle back at him, but he ducks and it hits Sam. You hold in a laugh, “Sorry, Sam.”  
“I blame you, metal man!” Sam growls.  
“She threw it, Birdbrain!” Bucky counters.  
“Only because-” Sam begins but then busts out laughing as Bucky’s head is doused in water from behind.  
“Oh my goodness! The bottle top fell off.” You shrug laughingly and walk away. Finding a secluded corner, you unzip your suit. The pain when you had shrugged told you that you were going to have a pretty impressive bruise where you hit the wall. You pull down the shoulder of your suit and look back at the blooming purple spot.   
“That looks like it hurts.” Bucky says.   
You look up at him, “Yeah. It’s not pleasant. It’ll be fine though. Just a bruise.”  
“Let me get you an ice pack.” Bucky says.   
“Yeah, okay.” You say.   
Bucky brings an instant ice pack, places it against the bruised spot, and helps you replace your tac suit. “Thanks, Bucky.”  
“Anytime, Doll.” He says.   
“Doll, not little girl?” You smirk.   
“I think Doll suits you better.” Bucky smiles.   
“I like it. Good choice, Tiger.” You smirk as you playfully punch his arm and then walk to Nat and Wanda.


	4. Chapter 4

Seven weeks on the team had been crowded with missions and training. You had formed an easy bond with all of your teammates and were especially close to Bucky. You teased each other mercilessly, helped each other out, and seemed to anticipate each other’s moves both on and off the battlefield.   
Today, you were excited. Your friend Alex was delivering a motorcycle to you. It was a fixer-upper that Alex got for a great deal. You were the first call about it. Now that you were at the compound, you had the room for a motorcycle and could work on the project during downtime. If that ever happened.   
You are waiting in the garage for Alex when you hear the elevator and Bucky and Steve walk out. “Hey guys.”  
“Hey. Working on your car?” Steve asks.   
“No, my friend Alex is delivering a bike to me. It’s a project. You know, for the downtime you keep saying we’re going to have at some point.” You snark.   
“Hey, no missions until Tuesday! At least it’s a three day weekend.” Steve says.   
“What are you guys up to?” You ask.   
“We were going to take our bikes out for a ride.” Bucky says. “You wanna come?”  
“Nah, you guys need your male bonding time.” You joke. “Plus, I haven’t seen Alex in a few months.”  
“This is your friend that owns the shop?” Bucky asks.   
“It’s a family business.” You say. “There she is!”  
Alex’s truck pulls into the compound and you are hopping up and down clapping your hands like the dork you are.   
“She?” You hear in unison from behind you.   
“Yeah.” You smile at the two. “Would you like to meet her? She’s quite lovely.”  
“Sure. Any friend of yours.” Steve smiles.   
The elevator dings again and Sam enters the garage. “Hey Sam.” You call.   
“Hey. Is your friend here yet?” He asks.   
“Pulling up now.” You smirk. You had asked Sam to meet Alex. You were playing matchmaker, just a little.   
The truck pulls in and Alex jumps out of the driver’s seat. “Hey, Chica!”  
“Hey, Cubana!” You call back and run to hug her. “Can I introduce you to my teammates?”  
“If you’re referring to the three hotties staring at us, the answer is definitely yes.” Alex grins.   
“Alexandra Navarro, I’d like you to meet Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and Sam Wilson.” You bite your lip as each guy trips over themselves to shake Alex’s hand. You can’t blame any of them. Alex is an intensely beautiful woman. Her Afro-Cuban heritage shines through her tawny skin, long dark hair, and curvy body. Her wide eyes are a rich dark brown and a broad, button nose flows down to full lips.  
“Nice to meet you all.” Alex smiles. “Would you guys be willing to help me get the bike out of the truck?”  
“On it.” Steve jumps into the back of the truck and hands the bike down to Bucky as if it weighs nothing.   
“Thanks, guys.” You say. “Well, I don’t want to keep you two from your bike ride.” You pat Steve and Bucky.   
“We were hoping to hear more about your bike.” Bucky smirks down at you.   
“My bike or my friend?” You whisper to him.   
“Your bike.” Bucky points to himself. “Your friend.” Bucky points to Steve who seems to be in competition with Sam for Alex’s attention.   
You giggle quietly, “Let’s check it out.”   
You and Bucky begin to inspect the bike.   
"A Harley, huh?" Bucky smiles.  
"Yeah. 1971 Electra Glide. She got me an incredible deal on it. Just gotta get it running." You grin.  
“I'd love to help you.” Bucky says.   
"I'd like that. Thanks. I was ready for a project and I'm excited to take this thing out cruising once it's done."  
"Hope you'll let me tag along." Bucky says.  
"Of course!" You smile and then look over at Alex with the two. You raise an eyebrow at her and she gives you a signal clearly indicating a call for help. You call out, "Hey Steve! Come look at this."   
Steve reluctantly walks away from Alex and joins you and Bucky. "What am I looking at?"  
"My face while I tell you to stop cockblocking Sam." You say in a low voice.   
"What the hell does that mean?" Steve looks confused.  
"It means she wanted to meet the Falcon and I'm trying to pull a little Emma action here. Can you stop messing up our plans?" You give him a look.   
"Sorry." He says while rubbing the back of his neck. "She's gorgeous and, ya know…"  
"I know. I've got some other gorgeous friends if you want me to set you up though." You grin and nudge him with your shoulder.   
"I might take you up on that if they are anywhere near as gorgeous as you and Alex." Steve smiles.  
You bark a short laugh, "I'm nowhere near as pretty as Alex."  
"That's true." Bucky says and your heart hurts at his ready agreement. "You far surpass her, Doll."   
"Awwww, you know just how to make a lady's heart go pitter-patter, Tiger." You say jokingly to guard your own feelings towards the supersoldier. You and Bucky had become great friends, but you were careful not to let yourself fall for him. It was hard not to. He was everything you wanted, but you were just one of the team, a good friend. You completely miss the crestfallen look on Bucky's face that you'd blown off his compliment so easily.   
You pull out your toolbox from the back of the Impala and start checking different things on the bike.   
"Getting started already?" Alex laughs as she and Sam walk over.   
"No time like the present, right?" You say.   
"I thought you were going to give me a tour of the compound?" Alex raises an eyebrow.   
"Ohh, right. Um, Sam, can you start the tour and I'll find you guys in a few minutes? Just want to check a couple of things on the bike first."  
"Love to. My lady." Sam grins, holding an arm out to Alex.   
Once the two are out of sight, you turn back to Steve and Bucky with a grin. "I think I planned that perfectly."  
"It's only a few minutes." Steve says.  
"But there's so much to look at with this bike. I'm sure a few minutes could easily turn into an hour." You laugh.  
"I guess we'll head out for our ride." Steve looks at Bucky.  
"Uh, yeah, okay. If you need us to pick up anything while we're out, text me." Bucky says.  
"Thanks. I'll let you know. Have fun!" You smile and watch as the two leave. Bucky looks incredibly hot with a bike between his legs. You shake the thought away and turn back to your own bike.   
A few hours later, Steve and Bucky return to find you, Alex, Sam, Wanda, Nat, and Vision sitting around the common room talking and laughing. Bucky makes his way over and sits next to you. He stretches out and puts his arm along the back of the couch. Nat raises an eyebrow at you and you roll your eyes at her.   
"Hey, Doll." Bucky smiles at you.  
"Hey, Tiger. How was the ride?" You ask.  
"It was great. Steve and I hadn't been out for a while. It felt good." Bucky says.  
"That's great."  
"How's the bike?" He asks   
"It's great. I don't think it'll take too much to get it running." You smile.  
Bucky looks at you for a moment. His eyes flickering over your face.   
"What is it?" You ask.  
"I was serious earlier." Bucky says.  
"About what?"   
"How beautiful you are."   
"Thanks, Buck." You lean into him and throw an arm around his waist to give him a squeeze. He puts his arm around you and squeezes, too. You both stay comfortably like that during the rest of the conversation with your friends.   
"So, what club are we going to tonight?" Nat asks.  
"We're going clubbing?" You ask excitedly.  
"Yeah. The whole team." Nat smirks at the guys.  
"Alex, you'll come too right?" You ask.  
"I don't have a dress here or anything." Alex says.  
"You can borrow one. You have to head back to the city anyway. May as well join us for some fun. We can go to Carlos' club!" You exclaim.  
"What's the scene?" Wanda asks.  
"Salsa. It's amazing." You clap your hands.  
"Let's get ready!" Wanda bounces off the couch.   
"Come on, Alex. We'll find something for you to wear between our three closets." Nat encourages.  
"Okay. I know when I'm beat." Alex laughs as she joins the three of you.   
"Departure in 90 minutes. And everyone is going, Steve." Nat dictates.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam, Steve, Bucky, and Vision are waiting in the common room for the ladies to be ready.   
“This is a perfect opportunity, man. Don’t pass it up.” Sam says to Bucky.   
“What are you talking about?” Bucky furrows his brow.   
“You know exactly what I’m talking about and with WHO.” Sam smirks. “Sweep her off her feet. Dancing used to be your thing, right?”  
“It’s not like that with us.” Bucky grouses.   
“Sure it’s not, Tiger.” Sam laughs.   
Bucky rolls his eyes, “She doesn’t feel that way about me. We’re just friends.”  
“Then you should show her some moves and get her interested.” Sam says.   
“Lay off, Sam.” Steve says.  
“Alright, alright. My bad, man.” Sam shakes his head.  
“You should be concentrating on your own moves.” Steve elbows Sam.   
“I’ve got plenty of moves. Don’t you worry.” Sam grins.  
“Really, Sam? You know your salsa?” You say as you enter the common room.   
“Come here, gorgeous.” Sam grabs your hands and leads you in some salsa steps. As you twist and turn in Sam’s arms, Bucky watches your every move. The sway of your hips, bright smile, and grace are mesmerizing to him.   
“Nice moves, Sam.” Alex enters with Nat and Wanda.   
“Wow, you look amazing.” Sam smiles at Alex who grins back.   
“Holy shit, Vis!” You gape as you stare at the android in human form. “I’m sorry. That was so rude. I’ve never seen you shifted before. Wow!”  
“Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.” Vision smiles.   
"You should." You giggle and bob your eyebrows at Wanda. Vision’s quite handsome in his human form. Wanda puts an arm around him and smiles at you with a wink.  
“Let’s go!” Nat motions to everyone to follow. “The car is here.”  
“Alex and I are going to ride together. I’ll ride back with you guys.” You say.   
“You aren’t riding with us?” Bucky asks quietly.  
“Alex needs to take her truck back to town. I wanted to spend a little more time with her. Sam’s going to have most of her attention at the club and has for a good bit of the day. I’ll ride back with you guys. You’ll save me a dance, right, Tiger?” You say under your breath.  
“I’ll hold you to it, Doll.” Bucky says.   
“I hope so.” You smirk as you leave arm in arm with Alex.  
In the truck, Alex looks over at you. “You were right about Sam. He’s a sweetheart.”  
“100%. He’s a really good guy as long as you can work with our crazy work schedule. Give him some breaks. It can be a little daunting to date someone not in the life.”  
“I’ll do my best. Might need to look to you for some advice.” Alex says.  
“Anytime.” You say.   
“How do you and Bucky do it?” Alex smirks.  
“Haha. It’s not like that with Bucky. He’s just a friend.” You say.   
“What was that little whispered conference about before we left?” Alex side eyes you.   
“He wanted to know why I wasn’t riding with the team.” You shrug.   
“Was he hoping to sit with you?”   
“He was just checking on me. I mean, I had to ask him to reserve a dance for me.”  
“That man was staring a hole through you as you danced with Sam.”   
“He… he was?” You look at her incredulously.   
“Yeah. He looked like he could swallow you whole. You’re telling me there’s nothing there?”  
“I don’t know. He says things that make me think maybe, sometimes, but then he’s never made a move. We’re such great friends. I don’t know if we should mess with that.”  
“He’s hot and a good guy. Mess with it!” Alex exclaims.   
“Let’s just dance and have fun tonight.” You groan.  
“Okay.” Alex giggles.  
The club is packed, but the owner, Carlos, makes his way over to you and Alex immediately.   
“Hey! We’re in for some fun tonight!” Carlos yells over the music. He grabs you and Alex and plants kisses on your cheeks.   
“Hey Carlos! The place looks great!” Alex says.   
“I brought some friends. Where’s Marco?” You question.   
“Marco! Get over here!” Carlos motions to his husband.   
“This is my team.” You say after hugging Marco. You make introductions. Marco immediately asks Natasha for a dance and they hit the floor.   
“It’s pretty crowded.” Steve says.   
“You’ll learn. We have the whole floor, Steve.” You grab his hand and pull him to the dance floor. Steve looks a bit pink in the face, but he picks up the steps pretty quickly. “You’re doing great!”  
“Thanks.” Steve says back.   
You look around to see Wanda and Vision, Alex and Sam, and Nat and a good looking guy you don’t know dancing near you. You find Bucky is sitting alone at a table nursing a beer. You catch the eye of a friend. “Lena!” You call and wave her over. The beautiful Latina heads towards you with a smile. “Hey! Long time no see! This is my friend, Steve. Steve, this is Lena. How are you doing?”  
“I’m good. It’s so good to see you. How’s Reed?” Lena asks.  
“He’s great. We parted ways a few weeks ago. Amicably. How about you?” You ask.   
“Single.” She says with a glance and smile towards Steve who grins.   
“I need to check on my friend, Bucky. Can you keep Steve company? He’s new to salsa.” You grin.   
Steve holds out a hand, “Care to dance?”  
“Love to!” Lena says as she twirls into his arms.   
You make your way over to Bucky. “Hey Tiger. You ready for that dance?”  
“You wouldn’t rather dance with Steve?” He snarks.   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You tilt your head as you look at him.   
Bucky looks at the concern on your face and shakes off his sour mood at seeing you dance with his best friend. “Nothing. Sorry. Yeah, I’m ready to dance.”   
Bucky smiles and leads you out onto the dance floor. You are equally matched dancers and you are impressed with how easily he moves. You watch his body relax into the music and the way his face lights up when you move together. Your heart feels light and you ponder Alex’s earlier comments. The two of you stay stuck together most of the night, only rarely changing partners with your friends. The group is downright giddy as they dance, drink, and enjoy each other’s company.   
“I’ve lost count of how many women Steve has danced with.” You laugh as Steve passes the two of you with a beautiful woman on his arm.   
“That’s anytime we go to a place like this.” Bucky smirks at you while you dance together to one of the rare slow songs of the night.   
“Really? What about you? I heard you were quite the ladies man back in your day. ” You ask.   
“I left all of that back in the day.” Bucky says with a hint of sadness. “I just want one woman now.”  
You look into Bucky’s eyes and study him. His eyes flicker to your mouth and back up. He brings his face a little closer to yours and…  
“Hey Chica!” Carlos gets your attention. “Look who showed up.”  
“Michael!” You throw your arms around Carlos’ son.   
“Hey Gorgeous! I haven’t seen you in forever.” Michael grins at you.   
“How are you?” You ask with a huge smile.   
“Better for seeing you.” Michael flirts.  
“Oh, stop it.” You laugh.   
“Things have been great. My divorce is finalized, so I’m a free man and I’ve moved back. How are you?” Michael’s glances at Bucky standing behind you.   
“I’m amazing. I’m an Avenger now. This is my friend, Bucky. Bucky, this is Carlos’ son, Michael. We’re old friends.” You say.   
“Hi.” Bucky shakes Michael’s hand. “I’ll, uh, I’ll let you two catch up.”  
You grab his hand as he starts to walk away and look at him. “Save me a seat in the car?”  
“Yeah.” He says dejectedly as he walks away. Bucky’s stomach turns as he hears Michael begin flirting with you and your giggles.   
On the way home in the limo, Bucky is quiet. You nudge him with your shoulder and he gives you a half smile.   
“Who was that you were dancing with?” Wanda asks you.   
“Carlos’s son, Michael. He’s an old friend.” You say.   
“Friend? Is that why he asked you out?” Nat teases.   
“Friend. We’re gonna catch up. We haven’t seen each other in years.” You reply.   
“Well, you can give him my number.” Nat smirks.  
“Not happening. You do not want to go there.” You laugh.   
“Why is that?” Nat asks.   
You shrug and lean your head back. You were tired and didn’t want to talk about this. The night had disappointed you. You thought for a minute Bucky was going to kiss you and then Carlos had interrupted. Bucky had abandoned you to Michael as soon as he appeared. You wondered if Bucky had regretted the almost kiss and just wanted to get away from you.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next two days, things seemed to go back to normal with Bucky. He talked and teased as usual. You sat together for movie night and laughed over pancakes at breakfast. Then he seemed to turn sullen again when you mentioned you were going to dinner with Michael that night. You were so confused by his behavior but he just walked away from you when you asked him what was wrong.   
You’re getting ready for your non-date with Michael that evening when there’s a knock at your door. You had finished your hair and makeup and dressed in a cute, casual outfit. You answer the door to find Bucky.   
“Hey.” You say. Bucky stands in the doorway shifting from foot to foot. “Do you want to come in?”  
“Yeah. Thanks.” Bucky slips in and you close the door.   
“What’s going on with you? You’ve been a little off the last few days.” You decide to dive in headfirst.  
“You’re going out with Michael tonight?” Bucky asks.   
“I’m meeting him for dinner to catch up.” You say. The look on Bucky’s face makes your heart twist. “Buck, what is going on?” You ask again.  
“Please don’t go out with him.” Bucky says.  
“Why not?” You ask quietly.   
“Because I don’t want you to.” Bucky breathes.   
“Why?” You push.  
“I don’t think he’s a good guy.” Bucky cops out. His fear of rejection taking hold.  
“It’s not a date, Bucky. You know why Michael just got a divorce? Cause he can’t keep it in his pants. I know this about him. That's why I warned Nat off of him. He’s just an old friend.” You shrug.  
“I love you.” Bucky blurts out.  
Your eyes widen, “Like… like, Aww you’re my best friend love me or like you love me love me?”  
“I... love you love you.” Bucky whispers as he frames your face with his hands.   
“Give me just one minute.” You say holding up a finger. Turning away, you grab your phone and dial Michael. “Michael, hey.” You look in Bucky’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’m going to have to cancel tonight. Avenger thing… Yeah, I’ll let you know. Sorry again, bye.”   
You hang up, move chest to chest with Bucky, and put your hands on his waist, “Can you say that again?”  
Bucky’s hands come up to the sides of your neck and his thumbs stroke your jaw. “I love you.”  
"I love you, too." You say looking in Bucky's eyes.  
"You do?" Bucky breathes.  
"Yeah, I do. Started falling for you when you nearly knocked me over my first day. I saw the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen." You laugh lightly.   
"Three cases of guns." Bucky chuckles. "In the backseat of a '67 Impala. I thought you were beautiful when I first saw you, but those two little details made you fascinating. And it hasn't stopped. You… you're everything I never knew I wanted."  
“I had that same thought about you a few days ago. You’re everything I ever wanted.” You say with tears in your eyes.   
“I love you.” Bucky says before capturing your mouth.   
He kisses you with a passion and intensity you had never experienced. When you separate, you push Bucky back until he sits on your couch and you straddle him. Your lips caress his and his tongue licks a stripe across your lower lip. You open for him and he explores your mouth. Your tongues dance together. Bucky’s hands rub up and down your back. Taking an initiative that was not normally you, you lean back and pull your shirt over your head.   
Bucky stares at you for a moment before saying, “Are you sure?”  
In answer, you bite your lip and pull his shirt off. You kiss as hands explore each other. Within a few minutes, Bucky’s hands find your bra strap and you lean back to watch him as he gently pulls the bra off of you.   
“So beautiful.” Bucky says as his hands cup your breasts. You lift up so he can bring your nipple to his mouth. He swirls his tongue around your nipple and then flicks it eliciting a gasp from you. He then treats your other breast to the same attention before returning to your mouth. As you lower yourself back down, you roll your hips against his and feel his cock twitch under you. Bucky grabs your ass and lifts you off the couch. You wrap your legs around him and he walks you to the bed. Laying you down, he reaches for the button of your jeans but stops to look to you for permission. You nod and he slowly unzips your jeans before pulling them down your legs. You lay in front of him in only a pair of panties. He runs his hand down your thigh until his thumb rubs over your clit causing your back to arch. His fingers curl under the side of your panties and over your wetness. His breathing hitches and he pulls your panties down your legs. Without breaking eye contact, Bucky lowers himself to your core. His tongue drags up your slit and you throw your head back.   
“Look at me, Doll. Watch me love you.” He commands and you have no intention of defying him. You watch as he attacks your clit with his lips and tongue. You feel his cool metal hand trail up your leg and then press at your entrance. You gasp at the sensation of the cool metal playing at your hot entrance.   
“Bucky.” You moan.   
“Tell me, Doll. Let me hear you.” Bucky’s tongue laves over your clit while his metal fingers work in and out of you.   
“Fuck, Bucky. It’s so good.” You reach down and grip his hair, pulling him closer. “Harder. Please, harder.”  
Bucky’s fingers fuck into you faster, curling his fingers against your g spot. Your legs begin to tremble.   
“Let go, Doll. Lemme feel you coming on my face.” Bucky says as he sucks on your clit.   
Your back arches off the bed as you cry out your release.   
Wet kisses trail up your body until Bucky reaches your lips. You writhe under the weight of his body, loving the way he feels against you. You reach between you to undo his jeans and slide your hand down to grasp his cock. Bucky’s groans feeling your hand wrap around him and pump.   
“Bucky, please.” You whisper trying to push his jeans and boxers down.   
“So needy.” Bucky chuckles as he stands to remove his pants.   
You sit up and swing yourself around positioning your mouth in front of Bucky’s cock. You look up at him and see his pupils are blown out. Slowly, you circle your tongue around the head of his cock and he moans. You wrap your lips around him and lick the underside of his cock as you take him deeper.   
“Fuck, Doll.” Bucky grabs your hair and thrusts into your mouth once, twice, but then pulls out. You look up at him with innocent eyes, unsure why he stopped. He rubs your cheek sweetly and kisses you again. Picking you up, he lays you back and positions himself between your legs. His cock slides up and down your slit collecting your wetness.   
“Bucky.” You whine.   
“Are you ready, Doll?” Bucky whispers.   
“Bring it, Tiger.” You whisper with a smile.   
He pushes in and the stretch of him is incredible. Your back arches as he begins thrusting and you wrap your arms around him. Each thrust brings a whimper from you.   
“You feel so good, Doll. Feels so good inside you.” Bucky groans as his thrusts increase.   
“Don’t stop. God, feels so good. Never felt like this before, Bucky.” You are near sobbing from the pleasure.   
Bucky drives into you faster and you grab his ass to encourage him on. The coil in you is so tight as Bucky hits that spot deep inside you over and over.   
“Bucky! Bucky! Fuck, I’m gonna cum. Fuck.” You cry out as the coil in you snaps. Your legs shake and you spasm around Bucky’s cock.   
“Doll, fuck. You’re clenching me so tight. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Bucky thrusts with each word before groaning his own release. He lays on top of you for a moment before lifting up and kissing you. Rolling you both to your sides, he rubs his thumb along your cheekbone while looking into your eyes. Suddenly, panic fills his eyes, “Shit. I didn’t use a condom. I’m so sorry. Shit!”  
“Whoa, whoa. Slow down, Tiger. It’s okay. I’m on the pill. I’m a little more responsible than that.” You say with a wink.   
Bucky kisses you again and smiles at you. “You’re perfect, you know that?”   
You laugh, “Yeah, you’re definitely still in a post-orgasm haze.”  
“Pre-orgasm haze, I think.” Bucky says as he presses his already hardening cock against you. He chuckles at your gasp. “Did you think that was it? I’ve only gotten started, Doll.”  
“Bring it, Tiger.” You giggle as you roll on top of him.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning you wake in Bucky's arms. As you lay there, you grin like a fool and a chuckle slips out.   
"What are you finding so funny?" Bucky's voice is husky as he pulls you flush against him.  
"That was not how I expected last night to go." You laugh.  
Bucky chuckles with you. "What did you expect?"  
"Dinner, catching up with Michael, him making a veiled pass at me, and me laughing him off as always."  
"So, he would have made a pass at you."  
"Michael would make a pass at anyone in pants. Including you. But your mine now." You grin as you pull Bucky into a kiss.  
"Agent, mission briefing in one hour." FRIDAY's voice interrupts.   
Bucky and you groan together.   
"I should let you get ready." Bucky says but then rolls on top of you and kisses you in earnest. You wrap your arms around his neck and wriggle against him. "Mmph, I wanted more time with you." Bucky grouses.  
"After the mission." You chuckle.  
As Bucky heads to the door he pauses by your bookshelf. "Are the pictures new?"  
"I finally got around to unpacking my last few boxes." You say.  
Bucky's eyes zero in on a photo of you with a strikingly similar looking woman. He picks it up and he remembers…  
"Soldat, shoot it down!" The Hydra Commander screams.  
Soldat takes aim with a grenade launcher and takes out the tail of the SHIELD helicopter. He watches the helo fall from the sky and sets off towards it.   
"Soldat!" The Commander yells. "No survivors."  
A nod and he sets off. Finding the helicopter pilot and one agent dead, he sets off looking for the scientist and the female agent who had rescued him. It didn't take long and both bodies were laid out before him.  
"That's me and my sister, Leah, on my first day as an agent. She was so proud." You say looking over his shoulder. Bucky jumps at your voice but you are too lost in thought to notice. You take the photo from his hands and smile at your sister's face lit up with pride to have you joining SHIELD. "I told you she was killed in action. They never found her body, though. Hard to have closure. Anyway, sorry. I need to get ready.” You lean in and brush a kiss against his lips.   
"Yeah, Doll. I'll, uh, I'll see you later." Bucky says.   
You, Natasha, and Sam are sent on a fairly simple reconnaissance mission. It should only take two or three days. You set out immediately after the meeting and are grinning like a fool the entire time.   
“Did what I think happened finally happen?” Nat whispers out of Sam’s hearing.   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You say but can’t hold back a giggle.   
“Oh my God! It did!” Natasha quietly squeals.   
“Shut up, Tash!” You whisper.   
“You and Bucky did it! You and Bucky did it!” Nat singsongs.   
“Shut up!” You shoulder her.   
“Admit it or I’m telling Sam.” She threatens.   
“You wouldn’t!”  
Natasha just raises an eyebrow, “Hey Sam!”  
“Yes, it happened.” You whisper frantically.   
“Yeah, Nat?” Sam calls from the cockpit.   
“Ready for take off?” She says.  
“Yup. You joining me up here?” Sam asks.   
“On my way.” She says before whispering to you, “I’m happy for you.”  
You grin like an idiot again. You were so ready to go. The sooner you took off, the sooner you returned home. Home to Bucky.   
\--  
“Steve!” Bucky calls.  
“Hey Buck. What’s up?” Steve sips his coffee.   
“Conference room.” Bucky grouses walking past him.  
Steve’s brows furrow, but he follows his best friend.   
“FRIDAY, pull up a map of the Siberia Hydra base.” Bucky says.   
“Yes, Sergeant.” Friday responds.  
“Bucky, what’s going on?” Steve asks.   
“Here.” Bucky points to a spot on the map. “Friday, can you pull up a live feed of this area?”  
“Yes, Sergeant.” Friday responds.  
Bucky enlarges the area and Steve begins to make it out, “Is that a helicopter crash?”  
“Yeah.” Bucky says.  
“A SHIELD helicopter?”   
“Yeah.” Bucky says. “You’ll find four bodies buried here. Three agents and a scientist.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Steve says.   
“Hadn’t thought about it in a long time. It wasn’t one of the missions or incidents we went over.” Bucky says. He looks up at Steve with red rimmed eyes. “One of the bodies…” Bucky's voice breaks as he trails off.  
“Buck?” Steve prompts.   
“One of the bodies is her sister, Leah. I killed her, Steve. I killed Leah.” Bucky shudders.   
Steve puts an arm around him, “Buck, man, are you sure?”  
“Yeah. Remember I told you there was something so familiar about her. This instinct to protect her. I think part of it must have been guilt. I saw a picture in her room this morning. Her and Leah. I’d never seen a picture of Leah before and it brought it all back. Leah rescuing the scientist, shooting down the helicopter, finding her still alive, and shooting her through the head.” Bucky’s eyes are far away as he recounts what happened.   
“It wasn’t you, Bucky.” Steve says.  
“But it was!” Bucky yells. “It was this hand that held a gun to her sister’s head and pulled the trigger. It was me! It wasn’t bad enough that I killed Tony’s parents. I killed the woman I love’s sister! Do you really think she could ever forgive me?”   
“Tony forgave you.” Steve says. “You love her?”  
“We… last night, we… I told her last night. I made love to her last night while across the room was a photo of the sister I murdered.” Bucky fists clench.   
“She loves you, Bucky. She’ll understand. It might take a while, but she’ll understand.” Steve reassures him.   
“She’ll never know.”   
“Bucky! You-”   
“She’ll never know! I can’t. I can’t tell her. I can’t be a constant reminder of her sister’s murder.”  
Steve stands in silence looking at his best friend, watching his heart being shattered, and feeling his own break for him. Will the universe ever stop throwing pain at them? Will they ever have peace?   
“Please, Steve, have the remains brought back. Or let me go retrieve them myself. I need her to have that closure.” Bucky voice breaks. “Please.”  
“I’ll talk to Hill. We’ll get it done.” Steve says. “We’ll get through this, Buck.”   
Bucky looks at his friend, “Why did it have to be her?”   
With that, Bucky’s heart breaks and Steve catches him before he falls to his knees and hugs him tightly. “It’ll be okay. I don’t know how, but it will be. It will be.” Steve reassures his friend with tears in his own eyes.   
\--  
Three days later you return, eager to see Bucky. You head to your room to freshen up. As you finish changing you say, “FRIDAY, where’s Bucky?”  
“Sergeant Barnes is in the training room.” Friday responds.   
You find Bucky punching a bag angrily. His entire body seems to be constricted in tight control.   
“Hey Tiger. What’s going on?” You smile at him.  
“Nothing.” He looks at you with such hardness in his expression you feel your stomach drop. “I can’t.”  
“You can’t? You can’t what, Love?” You say.   
Bucky growls, “I can’t!” He stalks away without looking back.   
“Bucky! Bucky, stop! What's going on? What’s the matter?” You call after him. You’re frozen in place for a minute staring after him before you shake yourself out of it and move.   
“FRIDAY, where’s Cap?”  
“Captain Rogers is in the common room.”   
You go to the common room and find Steve chatting with Wanda and Vision. “Excuse me, guys. I need Steve for a minute.” You grab his arm and drag him across the room. “What the hell happened to Bucky?”  
“I need you to trust me.” Steve says.   
“I do trust you, Steve. What’s going on with Bucky?” You say.   
“He needs some space.” Steve says.   
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”   
“Please, just trust me. He needs some space. Give him some time.” Steve pleads.   
You stare into Steve’s face searching for something, anything. Your face crumbles as you walk away. This was not the homecoming you expected.


	8. Chapter 8

Two weeks. Two weeks of silence only interrupted with Bucky’s half-ass excuses as to why he can’t even be in the same room with you. He had even gotten Sam to replace him on a mission you were both assigned to. Steve kept telling you to trust him. You were sick of it.   
You had cried yourself to sleep multiple nights. But, your heartbreak had turned into anger after the first week. Now, the second week having passed, your anger was becoming rage. Rage that Bucky couldn’t even look at you. Rage that Steve wouldn’t trust you. But most of all, fear had taken hold. Fear that the love you felt for Bucky had never been reciprocated. Fear that you had been played for a fool. Fear that your world was going up in flames again. Terror that your heart would never recover from this pain that seemed to stifle your breathing.   
And that’s what led you down the hallway. You walk into Bucky’s room without knocking.   
“We need to talk.” You say firmly.   
“I have plans with Steve.” Bucky refuses to look at you.   
“No, you don’t. I just talked to Steve.” You cross your arms and stand in front of the door to block his exit. “What is going on? Why won’t you talk to me?”  
Bucky remains stoically silent.   
“Bucky!” You exclaim to no avail. He simply crosses his arms and turns his back. “Bucky, please.” Your voice breaks.  
“I can’t.” Bucky says.   
“You can’t what? You can’t WHAT?”   
Bucky’s head drops down.  
“You can’t tell me. Or are you just too much of a coward? I guess… I guess I gave you what you wanted and now you’re done with me… Wow. Wow! I always thought I was smarter than that. I’d never let some guy play me, but that’s what you did, isn't it? You fucked me and now you’re done.” You pause to give Bucky a chance to respond. He runs a hand through his hair but doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even look at you. “I guess I should take it as a compliment. I mean I got Bucky Barnes to say I love you. Bucky Barnes actually waited almost two months to fuck me and threw in an I love you just to seal the deal. Shit, I must be a hot piece of ass. Hope I was worth the time and effort.” With still no response from Bucky, you turn to leave. Holding back your tears you look back one last time. “Don’t worry, Barnes, I won’t darken your doorway again.”  
After the door closes, Bucky looks at it with tears in his eyes and whispers “I do love you, Doll.” But he couldn’t tell you. If you knew the truth of what he’d done, you’d hate him more than you did now.  
\--  
The pain is overwhelming as you pace your room. You feel like your heart is breaking apart again. You berate yourself over and over. How could you have been so stupid? What the hell was wrong with you? And why the hell did you still love him so much? You collapse on your bed sobbing.   
An hour later Natasha knocks on your door. She brings you a damp cloth to wipe your face and then puts an arm around you and leads you to Wanda's room. The couch in Wanda's room is covered in fluffy blankets. There's a small table full of snacks and drinks.   
"What's all this?" Your voice is raspy from crying.   
"This is the 'we're not sure what's going on but men suck' movie marathon. We will wrap ourselves in fluffy blankets, eat junk food, and watch horror movies until we pass out." Wanda says.  
You look at Wanda then Nat and see the hopefulness of two friends trying to cheer up the heartbroken one. "Hand me a drink. I'll tell you the whole story. And then gruesome murders." You say.   
\--  
You wake up the next morning sprawled across Wanda's couch. You sit up with a groan and spy Nat and Wanda stirring on the bed. "Morning, troublemakers."  
"Morning." Wanda mutters.   
"I refuse to acknowledge that it is morning." Nat buried her head under a pillow.  
"I like that idea, Nat." You flop back down on the couch and cover your head.  
"It's Saturday. We don't have to be awake until we go dancing tonight." Wanda curls up on her bed.   
"Dancing?" You lift the pillow from your face.  
"Yeah. Girls night. Carlos’s club. You texted Michael last night to set it up.” Nat grouses.  
“Nat, what the hell did you give me to drink last night?” You vaguely remember the conversation.   
“Iced Tea.” Nat smirks.  
“The kind from Long Island.” Wanda says on a giggle.  
“Thanks, Nat.” You deadpan. You cover your head and go back to sleep.   
\--  
You, Wanda, and Nat stumble into the kitchen at nearly noon to find some food and coffee. You had read through your text messages that went to Michael. You are still hilarious when drunk and everything was set for the club. Michael had promised a VIP experience.  
"Hey Ladies. Looks like you guys had too much fun last night." Sam smiles at the three of you.   
"And we're going for more tonight." You smirk.   
"You had a delivery. It's on the table." Sam says.   
"For me?" Your brow furrows in confusion.  
"Got your name on it." Sam points to the two packages sitting on the table.   
As you're picking up the card from the larger of the two boxes, you hear Steve say "Morning." You don't bother to look at him. Out of your periphery you can see Steve and Bucky in the kitchen.   
Wanda comes to your side."Who's it from?"  
"Let's find out." You open the card and read, "For your VIP experience. Hope this cheers you up a bit. Michael." You open the first box to find a backless, bright red salsa dress. In the second box is a pair of strappy gold heels.   
"Wow! These are gorgeous." Wanda says.  
"Michael has good taste. In clothes at least." You laugh half-heartedly.  
You hear a growl and Bucky stalks out of the room. Steve stares after him and then turns to you, "Really?"  
"Really what, Steve?" You cop.  
"You had to rub it in his face?"  
"That I'm going out to my friend's club for ladies night?"  
"You know what I mean."  
"Shove it up your ass, Steve. You're not Captain America right now. You're the best friend of the asshat who hurt me. He's the one who did this. Not me. He can either tell me what the hell his problem is or he can watch me live my life."  
"I asked you to trust me."  
"When have I not?"  
"You don't have to flaunt Michael in front of him." Steve grouses.  
"He's just a friend. How long?" You cross your arms.  
"What?"  
"How long? How long am I supposed to trust you? How long does he need space? How long am I supposed to wait around for whatever the fuck this is?" You cry.  
"A few more days! I don't know!" Steve says in an exasperated tone.  
"What happens in a few days?... WHAT HAPPENS IN A FEW DAYS, STEVE?"  
"Nothing. Have fun tonight." Steve walks away.  
"It's like they're determined to suck the joy out of everything." A tear rolls down your face. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."  
"Yes, it is. Forget them. We're gonna have fun tonight. You are going to look fabulous in this." Nat puts an arm around you. "Coffee. We need coffee."  
\--  
You try. Wearing the dress and shoes Michael sent, you did everything you know you are supposed to. You dance and smile and drink. And drink. And drink.   
You're slow dancing with Michael late in the evening.   
"What did he do?" Michael asks.  
"Who?" You say.  
"Bucky." Michael says.  
"Same shit most men do." You shrug but your lip is trembling.  
Michael sees your distress, "Let's go somewhere quiet for a few minutes and talk, okay?"  
You nod and follow him as he pulls you into the back office. Only the desk lamp illuminates the room. You look at Michael's face as he closes the door and then put your arms around his neck.  
"Or we can not talk." You say as you pull him into a kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

You kiss Michael with desperation. Trying to lose yourself in the sensations and forget everything that happened. You reach for Michael’s belt buckle, but he stays your hands. Michael pulls back from your kiss and puts his forehead to yours.   
“As much as I would love to continue this, I know you’d regret it.”  
“Would you regret it?” You ask.  
“You know I’ve always wanted you.”  
“Then who gives a fuck.” You say and try to kiss him again.   
“I do. You’d hate me afterwards for taking advantage when you're drunk and hurt. I can’t do that to you. You’re my friend” Michael says softly. He pulls you into a hug and the tender gesture breaks you. You sob into his shoulder and he wraps his arms more tightly around you. After several minutes pass and it becomes obvious to Michael the torrent of tears wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, he picks you up and carries you to the couch. He sits with you on his lap, tucks your face into his neck, and holds you as you break down.   
Thirty minutes later, Nat and Wanda burst into the office. Michael immediately looks at them and puts a finger to his lips. You had fallen asleep against Michael’s chest and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.   
“Scared I was taking advantage of her?” He whispers.   
“Worried about her.” Nat says with a raised eyebrow.   
“She’s fine. Cried herself to sleep.” He says. “She’s out cold.”  
“We’ll take her home.” Wanda says.   
“Why don’t you have the car pull around back?” Michael suggests.   
“I’ll do that.” Wanda exits.  
"I guess you've heard about my reputation." Michael looks at Nat.   
"Yeah." Nat states.   
"I deserve it. I'm trying to change." Michael shrugs his unoccupied shoulder.  
Nat nods. Michael gently stands with you still in his arms and walks out back. A few minutes later the car pulls up and Wanda opens the door from inside. Michael places you next to her and Wanda lays your head in her lap. Standing back up, Michael turns to Nat who is holding something out to him.   
"Tipping me for the excellent service?" He quips.  
"Something like that. It's my number. Feel free to use it." Nat winks.  
Michael grins and waves as the car pulls away.  
\--  
You wake the next morning with a headache. You vaguely remember making it back to the compound. Nat and Wanda had fussed over you while cleaning you up and putting you to bed. You groan as you head to the bathroom  
"Agent, debriefing in one hour." FRIDAY announces.   
Confusion mars your features. Why would you have a debriefing? There were no pending mission reports. You shower, dress, and head towards coffee. Of course, Steve and Bucky are in the kitchen.   
"Morning." Steve says.  
"Morning." You pour yourself some coffee. "What's this debriefing about?"  
"Old case. A SHIELD Agent is coming to go over some things." Steve says.  
"An old case? Why would that involve me? I've been here less than three months."  
"It's not an Avengers case." Steve says.  
"Then-" You begin but FRIDAY cuts you off.  
"Captain Rogers, Agent Nikos has arrived."  
"Reed Nikos?" You ask.  
"Yes." FRIDAY responds.  
"They said they were sending an agent you know." Steve says.  
"Yeah. He's my ex… and a friend." You say as you leave for the conference room.  
Bucky had sat there the entire time staring into his coffee cup. You hadn't spared him a glance but he had watched you out of his periphery the entire time. Now, he looked up at Steve with tears in his eyes.  
"You should tell her." Steve pushes, just as he had everyday since Bucky told him.  
"No." Bucky says, just as he had everytime Steve said it.  
Defeated, Steve strides to the conference room.   
\--  
"Reed. Hey." You walk into the conference room and embrace him.   
"Hey. How are you doing?" Reed asks with a smile.  
"It's been a rough couple of weeks, but I'm okay." You say "How are you?"  
"I'm good. I, uh, volunteered for this debrief. I thought you'd rather hear it from a friend." He says.  
"Hear what?" You ask.  
"You don't know?" Reed sighs and then looks up to see Steve entering. He nods at him, "Captain."  
"Agent Nikos. Why don't we begin?" Steve takes no preamble.   
"Of course. The remains of Agent… of your sister, Leah, have been recovered."  
"What? How?" You ask.  
"New information came forward from a former Hydra agent. The remains of Leah, two other agents, and a Shield scientist were located. Once we had the intel of exact coordinates we were able to retrieve the remains. The burial site was not far from the Hydra base."  
"Bu-burial?" You stutter in confusion. Leah had died in a helicopter crash. You were surprised Hydra bothered to bury the bodies.   
"There's no easy way to say this. Leah did not die in the crash. She and the scientist lived and attempted to escape. They were hunted down and shot." Reed says gently. He goes through the full debrief, filling in the gaps in your knowledge of the events of Leah's death. Your face is flooded with tears. Steve hands you a box of tissues.   
"On behalf of the President of the United States of America, the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division and a grateful nation, we wish to extend our deepest condolences on the loss of your sister in the line of duty to her country. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?" Reed says.  
"No, Reed, thank you. Thanks for volunteering for this. It was very kind of you to take on this burden so I could have a friend with me when I found out." You say.   
"Absolutely. Wouldn't have any other way." Reed squeezes your hand and exits.  
"I'm going to need some time off. I need to take her home." You say without looking at Steve.  
"Take whatever time you need. Please let me know if there is anything I can do." Steve squeezes your shoulder and you nod. "And you had two friends with you."  
"It doesn't feel like that right now, Steve. You seem to be expecting an awful lot from me and very little from Bucky. I'm supposed to give him time and space and put my life on hold for what? You won't give me a reason. He won't talk to me. I know he's your best friend, but I thought he was mine, too. I thought we were more than that. So, either this is a cruel game the two of you play-"  
"No." Steve says insistently.  
"Then what is going on? I need a reason, Steve. Please. Give me something." You beg.  
"I can't."  
"Can't or won't?"  
Steve remains stoically silent.  
"Right." You get up quickly and go straight to your room. You really had thought you had cried yourself dry but the sobs wracked through you as you lay in your bed. Thoughts drift between Leah and Bucky and your heart shatters once again.  
\--  
Wanda helped you pack that afternoon. You weren’t sure how long you would be gone.   
“Would you like me to go with you? I’m sure Steve wouldn’t mind.” Wanda says.   
“No, Wanda, thank you. I’ll have friends and family there. Don’t worry.” You reassure her.   
“If you change your mind or need anything. Just call. You’ve had too much on you lately.” Wanda puts an arm around you.   
“Honestly, I’m grateful to be able to bring some closure to my family. They can’t know the details, but at least we can bury her now instead of just having a headstone. And maybe I need a break from here. A little time away will make things less tense.”  
“I hope so.” Wanda says with a hug. “Call me if you need anything.”  
“I will.” You say as Wanda leaves. You finish packing the last few items and look around your room for a moment without really seeing. You feel numb. The pain of Bucky turning on you and the news of Leah had basically shut you down. You were compartmentalizing everything and shoving it away. You just couldn’t handle anymore.   
Grabbing your bags you open your door to find Bucky. You stare at him wide eyed and utterly confused.   
Bucky stares back for a few seconds with an unreadable expression before beginning, “I just… I just needed to say I’m sorry about your sister. If there’s anything you need…”   
“I won’t be asking you.” You interrupt. “I have to go.” You move around him but stop and turn back, “Thank you for the condolence.”   
Bucky nods sadly and you head to the elevator. Your heart hurts. You just don’t understand him. And yet you still love him. You want nothing more than to curl up in his arms. You see him watching you as you hit the button in the elevator. It almost looks like there are tears in his eyes. You shake the thought away. You wouldn’t be played for a fool again.


	10. Chapter 10

You return to the compound after ten days away. You had mourned, reminisced, and buried Leah. Your sister had lit up every place she entered and there was no shortage of people who wanted to remember her despite the fact that she had been gone for so many years. It did your heart good to see the love that still existed for her. That so many remembered her.  
Your anger and rage at Bucky had subsided. You had realized at some point that while he may have loved you, he simply couldn't handle it. Whether he was scared of commitment or changed his mind about you, a relationship wasn't in the cards. Your heart was broken, but you had managed to forgive him. The more you had thought about it, you realized this was why Steve had told you he needed space. Why Bucky's words "I can't" were his only answer. It broke you to know he couldn't open up to you, but you loved him enough to let him go. And part of you hoped he'd find his way back. As stupid as you felt for it.  
Now, you were ready to get back to your routine. Your life. Put things behind you. You had arrived at the compound late, hoping to miss any reunions until tomorrow morning. Fate, however, had other plans. As you pull into the garage you notice the lights are on. After glancing around you see Bucky working on his bike. You decide to ignore him. Getting out, you open the trunk and grab your bags.  
“Hey. How are you?” Bucky asks from right behind you.   
“I’m fine. Not really in the mood to talk. I’m going to bed.” You don’t even look at him. You can’t. You're scared if you do, your feelings for him will come rushing back to you and you’ll find yourself heartbroken all over again.   
“Can I at least help you with your bags?” Bucky asks.   
“I’ve got them. Thanks.” You say quickly.   
“Okay. Good night.” Bucky says.  
“Night.” You say as you scurry to the elevator. You had to get away. He was confusing you and it hurt. It hurt to be treated with tenderness by the person who’d shattered your heart. You just couldn’t do it right now. In your room, you drop your bags, change into pajamas, and fall into bed. Blessedly, sleep claims you quickly.   
\--  
You forgo breakfast the next morning, and head to the training room instead. You are greeted as the others drift in and ask Nat to spar with you.   
“Keep holding back and I’m gonna smack you.” You say after a few minutes.  
“If I didn’t hold back, you’d never get a hit in.” Nat smirks.  
“Oh, it’s like that, is it?” You sass back before renewing your attacks on the spider.   
“It be like that sometimes.” Nat chuckles.   
The two of you spar for a while and then take a hydration break. Steve comes over to you and welcomes you back. He asks after your family and trip and you attempt to answer him without sass. You’re still angry and frustrated with him, but he is your team leader and a good guy in general.   
Nat walks to your room with you for a chat.   
“So, how was it?” She asks as she wanders around the room.   
“It was good. Gave everyone some closure, ya know?” You say. "It was nice to see so many who still remembered her. Still love her. She was a really amazing person."  
“I’m glad the intel came about.” Nat says.  
“Me, too. It’s just so strange. Where did it come from after all this time? Who was the agent that came forward?” You quiry.   
“I don’t know. Is this her?” Nat asks, holding up a picture.   
You do a double take when you glance at her and she cocks her head at you.   
“What’s with the look?” Nat raises an eyebrow.   
“Nothing. Just the morning after Bucky… he was looking at that photo. Anyway, yes, that’s Leah…” Your voice trails off as you get lost deep in thought. You walk over and take the frame from Nat’s hands and stare at it without really seeing. Instead, you are replaying that morning with Bucky in your head. “Nat.” You stare at her for a moment before she picks up your train of thought.   
“It can’t be.” Nat says.   
“He kept saying I looked familiar.” You spout.   
“You two do look a lot alike.” Nat admits.   
“And then he saw her picture for the first time.”  
“Okay…”  
“When I came back, he couldn’t look at me. Wouldn’t speak to me. He just kept saying ‘I can’t.’ What if… what if he was the source?” You whisper. Your chest feels tight.   
"It would make sense. He was still under Hydra's control at the time."  
"And the crash was near the Siberian base."  
“You understand what that would mean?” Nat says.   
“Bucky saw this and remembered her. That’s why he couldn’t look at me. Bucky killed Leah. Oh my God. Oh my God. Bucky killed Leah. He killed her. That’s how he knew. I… I… I can’t.” You begin to hyperventilate. “I can’t breathe.”   
“You’re okay. You’re okay.” Nat reassures you as she leads you to the couch and attempts to help you slow your breathing. “Slow down. Slow down. You’ll be okay.”  
“Nat.”  
“I know.”  
“Nat, tell me I’m wrong.”  
“I… I can’t. It makes sense.” Nat says.   
And it did. Everything fell into place now. Bucky seeing the picture, the silent treatment, Steve asking you to trust him and telling you Bucky needed some space. It all aligned. Everything suddenly made sense and what little was left of your heart was dying again.   
\--  
You were nearly comatose for an hour. You simply sat on the couch and stared at nothing. When you finally stir enough to acknowledge Natasha with more than a single syllable, she hugs you and leaves you to yourself. You are lost in thought for a while longer and then finally make up your mind. You had told Bucky you wouldn’t darken his doorway again and you refuse to break your word.  
“FRIDAY, where’s Bucky?” You say.   
“Sergeant Barnes is in his room.”  
You take out your phone and text him.   
You: Can we talk?  
You: Please.  
Three dots pop up a second later and then disappear. You wait a few minutes hoping he would answer when there’s a knock on your door.   
“Come in.” You call.   
Bucky looks in and pauses.  
“Hey. Please come in and sit.”  
“How are you?” Bucky asks timidly as he crosses to the couch, sitting on the opposite end.   
“I’ll be fine.” You say. “Bucky…”  
“Yeah?” Bucky’s voice holds apprehension.   
“Tell me exactly what happened.” You look him in the eyes and see an array of emotions cross his face. “Tell me exactly what happened the day that Soldat killed Leah.” You say gently.   
Shock registers on his face. “How did you know?”  
“I kinda pieced it together and you just confirmed it.” You say quietly.   
Bucky’s eyes rim red and his jaw clenches. “I’m so sorry.”  
“Please. Tell me.” You say again.   
Bucky tells you everything he remembers. The kidnapping of the scientist, the work at the Hydra compound, the Shield rescue, the crash, and the death of your sister. Tears fall down both your faces as he goes through the story. When it’s over, Bucky looks at you and says, “I’m so sorry. I saw the picture of her that morning and it all came back to me. Why you looked familiar. Why I felt some instinct towards you. I killed her. I’m sorry” Bucky put his head in his hands.   
“Bucky.” You wait until he looks at you to continue. “I don’t blame you. You had no control over that.”  
“But I did it.” He says.   
“Hydra did it. Using Soldat. Using you. You didn’t choose it.” You pause for a minute. “Did you really love me?”  
“I did." Bucky says. "I do still.”  
“I-” You begin, but Bucky interrupts you.   
“I never would have pursued you had I known she was your sister. You’ll never be able to look at me again without being reminded of her death.”  
The words “I still love you, too” die on your lips. He didn’t want you. Didn’t want a reminder of Soldat. But part of you wanted to fight. So, you asked, “When you look at Tony, is there ever a time when you don’t see Howard and Maria? When you aren’t reminded of what you were made to do?” Your gut clenches as you ask the question.   
“No.” Bucky whispers.  
“When you look at me now, do you see Leah?” You ask.   
“Why are you asking me this?”  
“Can you look at me without seeing Leah?” You say more firmly.   
“Sometimes.”   
You nod and swallow hard as the fight in you dies. If he can’t look at you without seeing her you would always be branded with his past. At the very least, you could try to assuage some of his guilt. “Give me your hand.” When he places his flesh hand in yours, you pull it to your lips and kiss his hand. “This hand may have fired the weapon,” you say and then place his hand over his heart and cover it with yours, “But this heart didn’t. It wasn’t you. It wasn't you." You say with a shake of your head.  
You let go of his hand and he stares at you. Finally, you whisper, “Goodbye, Bucky.”  
"Bye, Doll." He retreats from your room.   
Your heart twists at the endearment. You wrap your arms around yourself and stare at nothing. You had no tears left. No energy. What were you going to do now?


	11. Chapter 11

You had made up your mind. You were leaving. The thought of being a constant reminder to Bucky of what he had once been was too much. He already had to live with Tony as a reminder of Hydra’s control and abuse. How could he live with another? How could he love that person?  
This wasn’t what you wanted. More than anything, you wanted to run straight into Bucky’s arms and stay there forever. He did love you. His silent treatment and coldness had been a result of his discovery. Part of you wishes he had never seen that picture. Maybe then the two of you would continue to be blissfully unaware of his connection to Leah’s death. But he had.   
The night Bucky made love to you, you said it had never felt like that before. It was true. You had never had such a physical reaction to someone, but more than that was the emotional connection you felt. It was as if your two souls had touched. A puzzle that had finally come together.   
The thought of leaving him, of never seeing him again, was breaking you apart. But you had to. He had said if he had known Leah was your sister he wouldn't have wanted you. He didn’t want you and you wouldn’t be a fracture in the Avengers team. But, God, your soul cries out for him. Everytime you are in the same space as him you have to stop yourself from touching him. You want nothing more than to be in his arms again. You can’t continue to live like this.   
Picking up the phone you text Alex.   
You: Hey. Can I come over? I really need to talk.   
Alex: Come on over. I’m here. Wine?  
You: Yes. This is why I love you.   
When you arrive Alex lets you in immediately and hands you a glass.   
“So, what’s up?” She asks.   
“I can’t tell you everything, but I’ll tell you all I can.” You spill everything you can to Alex, grateful to have someone outside of the life to tell. Maybe she can give you some perspective. You let her process some of the shock and then go into your reasoning for leaving. Alex listens patiently, only asking the occasional question.   
“I think I understand.’ Alex says. “I understand why you want to go. I hate the thought of you going, but I understand it.”  
“I can’t stand the thought of being a reminder to him. And when he said he wouldn’t have wanted me had he known I was Leah’s sister. I think it just confirmed it for me. He doesn’t want another reminder in his life.”  
“Maybe he doesn’t want to be a reminder to you.” Alex says. “Do you love him?”  
“So much it hurts. I don’t know how I can leave him, but I have to.” You put your head in your hands.   
“Are you sure he doesn’t want you to stay?” Alex asks.  
“He would tell me to stay. But that’s the kind of person he is. I can’t.”   
“It was your dream to be an Avenger. Are you sure you want to give that up?” Alex asks.   
“No. I don’t want to, I have to.” You drain your second glass and hold it out. Alex pours more wine.   
“Well, you're staying here tonight.” Alex says.   
“Good. Let’s open another bottle.” You give her a weak smile.   
\--  
You wake up the next morning with a massive headache. You groan and turn over in the bed. Alex is still sound asleep. You get up and stumble to the bathroom, then on to the kitchen to make coffee.   
“Oh, thank God. You made coffee.” Alex says a few minutes later.   
“Of course.” You say.   
"So, you really gonna leave?" Alex asks.  
"Yeah. I think so."  
"This sucks."  
"I know. I'm sorry." You hug her to you.   
\--  
You get back to the compound around lunchtime and head directly to your room. Sitting in front of your laptop, a few tears fall as you fill out the paperwork for reassignment. Printing the form, you sign it, and put it in an envelope.   
“FRIDAY, where’s Cap?”  
“Captain Rogers is in the kitchen.”  
“Thank you.” You say.   
Your heart is heavy as you go to the kitchen. Everything in you is screaming to turn around. You don’t want to leave the team. You don’t want to leave the compound. You don’t want to leave Bucky. Your heart wrenches when you see Steve. You freeze for a minute not wanting to do this. One look in his face tells you that Bucky had informed him of your talk. Nat, Sam, and Wanda are in the kitchen with him. Now, you wish you had asked him to the conference room, but it was too late.   
Steve looks from your face to the envelope in your hand and back. “What’s that?”  
“My request for transfer back to Strike.” You say quietly.   
“You don’t have to do that.” Steve says.   
“We need you on this team.” Natasha approaches you, wide eyed.   
“There are others who can fill my place. I don’t… I don’t think it’s best for everyone if I stay.” You explain.   
“You’re leaving for Bucky?” Wanda asks.   
“I guess everyone knows now.” You look at Steve.   
“I felt it was best and Bucky agreed.” He says.   
You nod, “I don’t think he needs another reminder everyday of what he was forced to do. I, um, I am really sad to leave the team, though. It has been an honor to work with all of you. And even more to have been your friend.” You swallow the lump in your throat.   
“You’ll still be our friend. Even if you aren’t on the team.” Wanda says.   
“Thanks, Wanda.” You smile weakly.   
“Strike’s a bunch of lucky bastards to have you.” Sam says.   
“Are you sure about this?” Steve asks.   
“No, we need her. We need you. This isn’t right. Bucky can handle it. He can. Tell her Steve.” Natasha insists.   
“It’s her decision, Nat.” Steve counters.  
“It’s the wrong decision.” Nat throws back.   
You go to Natasha and hug her tightly. “Thank you. Thank you for wanting to fight for me. But I think this is the right thing to do.” You hug each of them. Your heart hurts as you go around.   
You retreat quickly. As you are on your way to your bedroom you cross paths with Vision.   
“Hey Vis.” You say.   
“Hello. Are you alright?” He asks.   
“Um, I, uh… no. Nothing is alright and everything is falling apart and I don’t know what to do or say or think anymore. I just put in my transfer papers to go back to Strike which is exactly where I don’t want to go. I want to stay here and I want to be an Avenger. But I can’t and so now I’m leaving and I feel like I’m dying inside. And… and… I’m so sorry for dumping that all on you. I’m sorry.” You pause and take a deep breath. “I’m leaving and going back to Strike. So, I guess I’m trying to say goodbye.”  
“You don’t have to leave.” Vision says.  
“I think it’s best for everyone. For Bucky.” You say.  
“He’s stronger than you realize.”   
“It’s not that I don’t think he can handle it. I don’t want him to have to.”  
“What about you?” Vision puts a hand on your arm.   
“What about me?” You ask.  
“Could you handle it? Seeing him everyday. The man who killed your sister.” Vision asks.  
“That’s not what I see when I look at him.” Your face crumples. “I just see the man I love.”  
“Couldn’t that be what he sees, too?” Vision asks.  
“No, Vis.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay. I gotta go pack.” You hug Vision. “Thanks for listening.”  
“Anytime.” Vision smiles.   
\--  
Bucky enters the kitchen and suddenly everyone stops. "What's going on? Why is everyone staring at me?"  
"Buck…" Steve begins but falters. He holds up the envelope.   
"What's that?" Bucky asks.  
"She put in a request to transfer back to Strike." Steve declares.  
"What? No! She can't do that!" Bucky says.   
"She's made up her mind, Buck." Steve frowns.   
"But this is what she wanted. To be a part of the team. To be an Avenger." Bucky cries.  
"Well, she doesn't think someone should have to see her everyday." Nat says harshly.  
"What?" Bucky exclaims.  
"She doesn't think you need another reminder around, so she's leaving." Nat's mouth is a thin line.  
"Natasha…" Steve starts.  
"No! We need her. This team needs her!" Natasha reiterates.  
"She's leaving because of me? Because she thinks I can't handle it?" Bucky says.   
"Basically." Steve says.   
"No." Bucky's eyes narrow. "She can't. I won't let her."


	12. Chapter 12

In your room, you are woodenly moving around trying to pack and unable to concentrate. After a few minutes you give up and just lay on the bed. You’re numb. You’ve lost your sister, your love, your team, and you just can’t think of a reason to move right now. You will get up, eventually. You’ll move on. But you wonder if you’ll ever be the same. You think back to last time you felt normal. It was only a month ago, but it felt like forever. Suddenly, you felt exhausted. You couldn’t keep your eyes open and you didn’t fight as you slipped into the release of sleep.  
Taking a cue from you, Bucky walks into your room without knocking. “You can’t-” He stops himself abruptly when he sees you’re asleep. You look peaceful for the first time in a long time and he doesn’t have the heart to wake you. Terrified you’ll leave before he can talk to you, he makes the decision to camp out on your couch. As he sits there looking at your beautiful face, he’s filled with regret. He couldn’t let you leave, not over something he did. He sat and watched you.   
Over an hour later, you begin to stir. Bucky’s brow furrows as he realizes you aren’t waking, but dreaming. Or, rather, having a nightmare. You begin thrashing and then his name slips past your lips and his heart breaks. Tears come to his eyes as he realizes you are having nightmares about him. For all your reassurance, you were scared of him. His heart shattered, he turns to leave, deciding to tell Steve his plan and getting him to force you to stay.   
\--  
The dream had started pleasantly. You and Bucky are dancing, holding each other closely. Your heart feels light and you're happy. But then a shadow passes over Bucky’s face and he looks at you with betrayal and anger. The dance turns into a fight and you try to stop it.   
“Bucky!” you cry out. He turns away. He doesn’t want you.   
You fall to your knees on the dance floor, sobbing even though you don’t know how you have any more tears. You can’t stand it. You can’t handle him leaving. You can’t watch him walk away. “Bucky, no, please! Stop!”   
\--  
Bucky nearly falls to his knees hearing your cries. He can hardly move his heart is so heavy as you beg him to stop in your sleep. You’re scared of him. His chest constricts. He has to get away. He reaches for the doorknob, desperate to leave.   
“Bucky! Please don’t go!” you cry out.   
Bucky nearly stumbles into the door as he turns back to see you still asleep. Still in a nightmare. Had you just asked him not to go? Was your nightmare that he was leaving? Not that he was hurting you?  
“Stay. I love you.” The words are barely a whisper, but Bucky hears them.   
In a flash, he’s on his knees beside your bed. “I’m here, Doll. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Not if you don’t want me to.” Gently, he rubs his thumb along your cheekbone.   
“Bucky?” You wake.   
“Yeah, Doll. I’m here.” He says again.   
You sit up and look at him for a moment, clearing the cobwebs from your head. Unable to stop yourself, you fly into his arms. “Bucky.” You are both kneeling on the floor with arms wrapped around each other tightly. Neither of you wants to let go. You aren’t sure how long you stay like that, but eventually Bucky pulls back to look in your face.   
“Are you okay, Doll?”  
“Yeah. What are you doing here?” You ask.  
“I came to tell you that you can’t leave. You can’t leave the team. You need to be here.” He says.  
“I can’t stay, Bucky. I can’t stand the thought of you looking at me everyday and being reminded every time what you were forced to do.” You say.   
“Then I’ll leave. You won’t have to see me everyday and be reminded of what I did.” Bucky says.  
“I'm not! I don’t see that when I look at you. I just see Bucky.” Your voice breaks as tears fill your eyes.   
“I just see you, Doll. I just see you.” Bucky says frantically as he cups your face.   
“But you don’t want me. You don’t want me and it breaks me.” You hold his wrists as tears fall.  
“What makes you think I don’t want you?” Bucky is shaking.   
“You said it. You said if you had known about Leah you wouldn’t have wanted me.”  
“NO! No, no. I said I wouldn’t have pursued you. I meant I wouldn’t have pursued you and put you through all this. I want you. I want you so much it hurts. I love you.”  
“You said you’d leave.” You say.  
“I will. If that’s what you want. I’ll leave.” Bucky says, his heart twisting at the thought.  
“Steve? The team? Everything? You’d leave it for me? If I asked you to.”   
“Yes.”  
“You love me enough to do that?” Your voice breaks.   
“Yes.”  
“Then will you stay for me?”  
“If you’ll stay for me. With me.” Bucky says earnestly.   
“I’ll stay. I’ll stay forever as long as it’s with you. I love you.” You kiss him and he kisses you back. Passion and desperation are hand in hand in the kiss. And then you're lifted to your feet. Bucky guides you to the couch and pulls you down on top of him. He wraps his arms around you as you sit on his lap and lays your head on his shoulder.   
"I just need to hold you for a little while. Please." He whispers.   
"Take all the time you need, Tiger." You whisper back, snuggling into him.  
Bucky's heart swells hearing that nickname fall from your lips. It felt like forever since he'd heard it and he'd missed that stupid, teasing nickname. He's missed you.   
"I'm sorry. For all of this. I was so scared you'd hate me. I know how much you loved your sister." Bucky says quietly.   
"I hate Hydra. I hate that it killed my sister. I hate what it did to you. And we're going to tear them apart, together."  
"We will."  
"You…" you stare into his eyes.  
"Me?" He asks after a minute.   
"You, I love."  
"I love you, too." Bucky smiles. "I do have to ask one thing of you though."  
"What's that?" You ask.  
"Will you please tear up those transfer papers?"  
"Absolutely." You grin but when you try to get up, Bucky pulls you to him more tightly.   
"Later." He says as his lips take yours.  
\--


End file.
